#BringBackOurGirls

A Litany for the Stolen, Enslaved, and Raped Daughters of Nigeria
Samuel DeWitt Proctor Conference
Sunday, May 11, 2014

Weep for the Daughters of Zion, oh people! We weep for them and for the stolen daughters and sisters of Nigeria! Cry for all the daughters and sisters stolen, enslaved, and raped across the ages! We cry for you, daughters of Africa and daughters of God! We pray to the God of heaven for justice!

We speak your names!

We mourn and cry loud because of the vicious attacks that claim lives and human dignity. Mourn, people!  You are OUR daughters! You are ALL our daughters! We say, SHAME on any who have harmed you and harm you still. We pray for justice! We demand it! Of the militant slavers who kidnapped you and who harm your spirits! We demand it of governments who can help!

We speak your names! We call you sacred! We say you’re blessed. We will NOT stop looking for you! We will continue to pray for you! We will be a part of your healing as you return, daughters!  For you are OUR daughters and sisters! You are ALL our daughters and sisters!

We speak your names! We call you sacred! We call you blessed and holy! We pray to the God of love to wrap you in tender mercies and to protect your soul in your captivity, daughters! We pray for your safe return! We will NOT stop praying!

We will NOT stop looking for you! For you are our daughters and sisters! You are ALL our daughters and sisters!

Weep, oh people! And work for justice! Cry loud and do not cease to worry heaven and earth until our daughters are saved! Work, oh people! And do not stop until our daughter’s lives are redeemed from the slavers, from the kidnappers!

We pray for the kidnappers that their hearts will not harden and that they will be convicted to do what is just and moral. We pray for justice! We pray they will be merciful! We pray they will repent! We pray they will be stopped! Daughters, we will not stop praying and working!

We speak your names! You are sacred, our daughters and sisters! Daughters of Nigeria and the entire world! We will pray for justice! We will live for justice! We will work for it! For you are OUR daughters!  You are ALL our daughters!

We speak your names! We call you sacred! We call you precious! You are OUR daughters! You are ALL our daughters! Amen! Ase! And it is so!
A Litany for the Stolen, Enslaved, and Raped Daughters of Nigeria
© Valerie Bridgeman

Let It Go: The Doing of it All

deep breathActually, I started decluttering back in December as part of my New Year’s cleaning extravaganza.  First stop:  my clothes closet.  Now you have to understand that I am a church girl.  More than that, my father is a pastor, which makes me a PK (pastor’s kid), which means I’ve been “on display” most of my life.  Combine that with my current vocation as a pastor, my public work as a political operative, and my life as a business owner, and it means having inspection-worthy, scrutiny-passing clothing appropriate for any and every occasion.  And THAT means a closet overflowing with suits, blouses, separates, and of course shoes.

It was starting to take me too long to get dressed in the morning, which ultimately meant that I wound up wearing the same things over and over just because they were easy to grab.  So, OK, I admitted to myself that some things had to go.

First pass:  anything torn, stained, or beyond repair.  No I’m not really gonna ever dye that top to a darker color just cause I love it and can’t get the salad oil stain out.  Gotta go.  This first pass yielded a few things, but not enough to make a dent.  So…

Second pass:  things that don’t fit now.  This includes things used to fit but then age happened.  Things tend to, um, shift and move as we age, and that sometimes means that jackets that used to fit are suddenly! slumping in the shoulders, or the butt on the jeans is WTH?? sagging … This pass also includes clothes that won’t fit even I lose 20 pounds.  So size 10 blouse, goodbye.  I haven’t been a size 10 since high school;  I don’t even know how this blouse got in my closet!  Really, I don’t.

Third pass:  things I no longer love, or that I can’t remember wearing.

Fourth pass:  things that I like, but that might be loved by someone else.

I know people do that “if you haven’t worn it in two years, toss it” rule.  I just don’t like that rule, so I don’t use it.  Doesn’t fit my life and all its iterations.

When I finished all these passes, I had a pretty good pile, which I sorted into (1) trash, (2) goodwill, (3) Dress for Success – business clothes for women returning to the workforce and (4) consignment – perfectly good stuff that could be resold, and allow me to make a couple of bucks for all my effort.

Felt very accomplished and proud of myself.

Now at the start of this post, I said that I began this in December.  Well, there’s the rub.  Even though I sorted and packed up all this stuff, it didn’t actually leave my house til last week.  Yes, I can see you giving me the side-eye.  This is the crux of the matter:  I had every intention of letting these things go.  Made the effort, did the work, and put a big bow on it.  My closet was emptier.  I could see and wear more of my clothes.  And whenever I opened the closet door, I felt accomplished and good about myself.

But when time came to take that last step of actually releasing it and letting it go from my space, I just didn’t do it.  Oh I had all kinds of good, legitimate reasons.  And ultimately, these reasons took higher precedence than the urgency I’d originally felt for getting the stuff out of my house.  And then I’d turn into the office and step over the donation bags, all while patting myself on the back about my decluttering progress.  It was a total disconnect.

And then, as I nearly tripped over the bags one afternoon, epiphany!   You are not done.  (Seems obvious, I know.)  You’ve just moved the stuff to another place.  Just because you don’t see it in your closet doesn’t mean it’s been removed;  it’s just been shifted.    Sound familiar?  We often shift emotions, redirect habits, rearrange feelings and relationships just so we don’t have to do the hard, emotional, work of actually releasing non-productive things, attitudes, and people from our lives.

I sat there on the floor for a  long while, mulling over my actions and my realizations.  Then I got up, gathered the trash and goodwill bags, and took them to their final destinations.  Made an appointment at the consignment shop and made that delivery.  Clothes and shoes for donation are boxed and bagged and awaiting the reopening of Dress for Success following their renovation.  Now I’m really done.  And learned a valuable lesson about this decluttering stuff:  you haven’t let it go until you’ve actually let it go, released it, removed it so that you no longer have access to it.

Next stop:  bathrooms and linen closets.

Let It Go!

No ClutterI’ve been feeling a little “cloudy” lately.  Good things are happening, new opportunities, new clients, new friends … watching God bring promises to life … it’s all good and I feel blessed.  But I’m also feeling a little confined – kinda like I’m outgrowing (or, have outgrown) my present “situation” or circumstance … like some things no longer suit me or fit into my vision of myself and where I’m going.

Since that could easily apply to a number of areas:  space, clothes, people, friends, relationships, space, habits, attitudes, emotions  – I’ve decided to embark on a life de-cluttering / releasing project that I’m gonna call “Let It Go!”

Since “let” means “to allow,” naming my project “Let It Go!” reminds me that things, people, emotions, and stuff are in my space, my orbit, my situation because I have allowed them to take up residence there.  And since it had my permission to come in, I’m the only one who has the power to get it out.  It’s under my control to change.   And I’m deciding to Let It Go!

I’ve been hearing this in my spirit for a few weeks now, so the arrival of the new issue of the Oprah Magazine, headlined “De-Clutter Your Life!” was confirmation.  I’m under no illusions that this will be easy.  After all, I’m attached to my stuff or it wouldn’t be part of my world.  You’re invited to share this journey with me through this blog … I welcome your comments, suggestions, and reflections.

Beyonce, Sex, and the Grammys

beyonce 2I get it.  Beyoncé likes sex.  She especially likes sex with her husband, who is, apparently, quite adept at fulfilling her needs.  Yay!  Bully for her!

But here’s the real question:  why do I know this?  Why do I need to know that Beyoncé likes sex?  Why do I need to know Beyoncé likes having sex with her husband?  Why do I need to know what kind of sex they like to have?

This is not my business.  Or more accurately, this is none of my business.  This IS the private business of Beyoncé and her husband, and what they do, what they like, and how they like it, is and should be a matter between the two of them.

Somewhere along the way, we became a nation interested in who’s sleeping with whom and the ways in which they are “sleeping” with each other.  Sex has become a spectator sport where the players tell us the plays in advance of, during, and after the game.

What ever happened to subtlety?  What happened to mystery?  What happened to holding some things back?  What happened to leaving something to the imagination?  I, for one, did not need to see Beyoncé’s entire might-as-well-be-naked bottom on national, make that international, television.  And neither did anybody else.  And I do not understand why her husband, on stage with her — fully clothed I might add — is comfortable with her showing off her assets to the world, and as one writer put it, “[shaking] her rear end for other men’s titillation.”  See also:  The 36 Absolute Sexiest Moments from Beyoncé and Jay Z’s Grammy Performance — the writer’s commentary makes my point.

Yes, Beyoncé is a grown woman and can do whatever she wants.  And yes, she’s an entertainer and a businesswoman, and has an obvious interest in sharing her talent, preserving her brand, and making a buck.  But I’m reminded of the admonition of the Apostle Paul:  “All things are lawful, yet not expedient”  which in regular English means just cause you CAN do a thing, doesn’t mean you SHOULD do a thing.  Some things are simply better left undone.

Sex is intended to be  gratifying, fortifying, inspiring, invigorating and fun even.  But let’s not lose sight of the fact that it is also the physical joining of two  people  in a union that is, at once, mysterious, spiritual, and sacred. That makes it special.  And these days, special things are far too rare.

l am so very happy that Beyoncé and her husband enjoy themselves with each other.  But I’d rather read it on their faces than see it on the Grammys.

The Girls

One of the joys of my life is my friendship with Donna Brazile, Yolanda Caraway, Tina Flournoy, and Minyon Moore.  We’re affectionately known around town as “The Colored Girls.”

CGs 3We’ve been friends for more years than we care to count, so long that we can pretty much finish each other’s sentences, cuss each other out, make each other crazy, back each other up without question, keep each other’s secrets, and most of all, love each other unconditionally.   We started out as political colleagues and work friends, but now, having survived tests and trials together, we are each other’s family.  They are a blessing to me, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

A few years back,we decided to forgo our annual Christmas gift exchange, and, instead, we would participate in the Southeast Tennis and Learning Center’s Recreation Wish List (RWL) Christmas celebration.  SETLC, headed by the indefatigable Cora Masters Barry, is a wonderful recreation and learning center in Anacostia, serving hundreds of moderate- and low-inc ome families.  Each Christmas RLC selects deserving families from its roster of young people, and invites those families to submit a “Wish List” of Christmas gifts. The girls and I “adopt” a couple of families and every year and do our best to make their Christmases joyful.  We love it, and we especially love the Christmas morning pictures we receive from the families.  Talk about JOY!

Christmas 2012, we decided that, in addition to our Wish List duties, we would do something for each other … in celebration of our decades-long friendship, we sat for a photo session with the incomparable Sharon Farmer.  It was a fabulous day of ringing laughter and great music.  And I gotta tell you, it is HARD WORK!  Anyway, we love the pictures and hope you do too!

Africa with Clinton: Last Day / Returning Home (Day 10)

Baggage call time:  8am.  I woke up this morning to a list of to-dos from my business partner/team manager for the 50th.  Stuff they needed me to do before I went incommunicado.  Good thing I packed last night!  Before I knew it, the butler was at my door to collect my luggage (I am so loving this butler thing!)  and I was completely not ready.  Fortunately, he was patient — I’m sure he’d seen my kind before — so he stood there while I threw the last few items in the suitcase.

Took a long look around my lovely suite.  And you know I collected all the little soaps and toiletries and threw those in my bag.  I didn’t take the big bottles of lotion and soap — I thought that would be more than slightly tacky.  But you know I wanted to!  This is defintely a place I want to come back to …

Last delegation breakfast … what a spread … everything you think you could want for breakfast.  Well, except for waffles.  And bacon.  Good conversation with my table mates about the trip, politics, and Africa.  I’m still processing my own thoughts about the trip so I didn’t make too many comments on that subject.  Plus I love and respect Bill Clinton and the work he is doing around the world, so be it far from me to have anything negative to say about any aspect of this trip.  Plus — I was a guest of the foundation (they paid for everything), so best not to look a gift horse in the mouth.  Any comments I have I will share directly and privately with the staff.  But in public, this is THE VERY BEST TRIP I have even been on, and it absolutely could not have been better, and I wouldn’t have changed a thing.  She said with a smile, holding her cheerleader pompoms in her hands.  Cue cartwheels and marching band.

IMG_0390I am so ready to go home.  I don’t want to see another project.  but yep, there are two more to see.  First up, a visit to a Clinton Global Initiative project sponsored by Coca-Cola Company.  Coke made a CGI commitment to launch and lead a program called Five by Twenty (5×20).  The goal:  to support the creation of five million new women entrepreneurs by the year 2020.  Their support includes leadership training, business practices, marketing assistance, and discounted pricing on everything in the Coke supply chain (which includes, surprisingly, fruits and vegetables).  So far, they’ve enrolled 300,000 women in this program, with 230,000 of them being in Africa.

Some of the program participants were on hand to share their stories and tell us about their business.  All of them were older black African women, who’d begun their businesses later in life, but were determined to be successful.  It was very inspiring.

Then to stop 2:  A City Year project in Johannesburg.  I would love to tell you what the project was about, but I was on information overload and was simply couldn’t process anything else.  The highlight for me was chatting with a 10 year old named Diego.  He’s a soccer player and a big movie fan.  Well, one of my tripmates is married to Hugh Jackman (whom you may know as Wolverine from the X-Men movies), so she dialed her husband and put him on the phone with Diego.  It was a priceless moment.

IMG_0404Then as Dawn and I stood talking to Diego, we asked him if he’d ever met President Clinton.  He said no.  We said, that’s him over there.  Diego:  where?  Us:  Over there, the guy with the white hair.  Diego:  The white man?  Us:  yes.  Diego:  A white man is president?  Us:  yes, he was president.  Diego (with look of confusion):  A white man can be president?  Another priceless moment.  It occurred to me that in his lifetime, Diego had only ever known black South African presidents;  he’d never lived under apartheid.  And the only US president he knows is Barack Obama.  So in his ten-year-old experience, asking whether a white man could be president was a very legitimate question.

Next and final stop:  SHOPPING!  Oh yes, Bill Clinton was not leaving without doing some shopping.  And I was completely on that program.  He took us to his favorite store:  Amatuli in Johnannesburg.  It was a shoppers delight.  Normally a wholesale place, they opened their doors  — three floors of stuff — to Clinton and his guests.  They made serious money today.  I did some damage myself, and bought more than I normally would — after all, somebody else was going to be handling the luggage.  More than a few of us walked away with big boxes, all of which would eventually be loaded into the belly of our plane.

We left Amatuli and headed for the airport.  The first indication that our trip was coming to an end:  no police escort.  The traffic was terrible and it took nearly an hour to get to our destination.  But it’s not over yet … no customs, no bag check.  We were led right onto the tarmac, where our carry-on bags were waiting planeside.  Boarded the plane, found a seat — there are only twenty of us on this 737, so we actually have whole rows to ourselves.  Coming over, I was assigned a first class seat, but I skipped that for the return, opting for the whole row so I could lay out flat.

Staff handed us back our passports, which we hadn’t seen since Malawi;  they were full of the stamps from all the countries we’d visited.  Lovely!  I settle into my row, and get ready for the long flight home.  I reflect briefly  and give thanks to my God for allowing me this unexpected and indescribable opportunity, for the new friends I’ve met, for all that I’ve seen and learned, and for traveling mercies as I head home.